I’ve been stuck in a bit of a writer’s block these past few weeks, it’s been difficult for me to think about what to talk about this month. I had an interesting encounter online today that sparked up my mind though. A dom thought it would be a good idea to try to overwhelm me with his domlyness and render my simple little submissive mind inept under his spell. He was caught off guard and angry when it became apparent that I am not some weak minded himbo waiting for a “real man” to cow me into abject submission. To be clear, I like to play that way sometimes; I really enjoy being the nerdy boy who gets bullied into humiliating or embarrassing situations. I can also enjoy being the dumb jock boy who is manipulated by a more strategically intelligent guy. And, though these scenarios work in role play and fantasy; they are not who I actually am. Only a fool would look at me and my accomplishments and find it prudent to try to bull me to kowtow. 

It seems like there is an overall feeling, especially in porn, that s-types are dumb beasts of burden, little better than self-heating fleshlights; and that D-types are cunning, intelligent, paragons of masculinity. In my experience, s-types can be the ones in control of a relationship, they simply out maneuver the D-type into believing that they are the ones making the decisions, I’ve had relationships like that. I’ve also seen relationships that work like the story books, where the D-type has a mastery of themselves to the point that they can take possession and control over another person, intellectually their equal, and manage both lives. I’ve been touched by these relationships, but I’ve only ever experienced it once, and then, not for very long. 

I personally have a great issue with topping from the bottom, and to truly give up that control is very difficult for me. When I encounter D-types who I can believe could take that control and lord over me in the ways that I dream about, I usually recoil because that fear of giving up control is real and visceral. There is a local D-type, in this club in fact who holds such a sway over me. He’s attractive, boorish in all the right ways, smart, and He makes my guts jerk away from Him in pure terror when He looks at me in “that” way. I know that He would be able to crush the bratty and rebellious nature in my core and that knowledge is a cold shower for the part of my brain that does not really want to give up that control. I guess that this is a holdover from childhood though, before adolescence, I was never in a structured parent/child relationship that lent itself to discipline and support. I spent my weekdays with lawful and blue collar parents and my weekends with my lawless, biker father. I learned from a very early age to be a chameleon in order to best survive and to control every situation for maximum profit. I am a feral cat, raised by feral cats, themselves raised by feral cats; considering what I was given when I started, it’s amazing what I’ve made of myself. These may be weak excuses that I tell myself though. 

 In any event. For as long as coronavirus forces us to quarantine from one another, I will be unable to explore any sort of relationships outside my primary. I do so long to get my ass beat by a professional too. I hope that this message finds you all well. And, if you want to help me to break my writers block, or if you are curious about something: please let me know what you would like to see me write about in the future. 

All my best, 

-Saint St.James

P.S. I know it's not August anymore, but I'm not going to let that technicality stop me from keeping to my obligations. ;-)